Post by julian1964 on Sept 20, 2006 13:49:37 GMT -6
Foody Funnies
Newlywed wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
Sign in restaurant window
"Eat now - Pay waiter."
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
A friend got some vinegar in his ear,
now he suffers from pickled hearing.
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am, The shape I've selected is a triangle.
I dropped a piece of bread and it fell butter side up.
I was convinced that I'd buttered the wrong side of the bread.
Sign in a restaurant:
We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.
I know all about being Stressed...
It's Desserts spelled backwards!!!
Eat a prune and start a movement.
The four food groups
Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter.
Sign outside a cafe: "Now Serving Food".
(It makes you wonder what they used to serve.)
About 85% of women are responsible
for cooking the family dinner,
and 84% wish they didn't have to.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What does a humanitarian eat?
Why did the idiot stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate.'
What did the hungry computer eat?
Chips, one byte at a time.
Prices are just ridiculous.
I went into a chicken place
and spent £2.50 for a wing and a drumstick.
It's the first time I ever paid an arm and a leg
for an arm and a leg.
Food prices are so high, last night we had a religious experience.
I think it was the last supper.
Puffed rice is very popular these days.
It's what you throw at weddings when the bride is expecting.
She's one of those modern cooks.
Her favourite recipe is "call for a take away".
We have an autumn leaves refrigerator.
You look inside and everything is turning.
There's a chef at the 10 Downing Street
that has everybody worried.
He keeps spilling the beans.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of
chocolate home from the shops in a hot car.
Solution: Eat it in the car park.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue,
store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is NOT a balanced diet.
Two phrases:
'Money talks.'
'Chocolate sings.'
Do the preservatives in chocolate make you look younger?
Why is there no such organisation as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
There's only one thing worse than finding a maggot in your apple.
That's finding half of one!
Newlywed wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
Sign in restaurant window
"Eat now - Pay waiter."
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
A friend got some vinegar in his ear,
now he suffers from pickled hearing.
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am, The shape I've selected is a triangle.
I dropped a piece of bread and it fell butter side up.
I was convinced that I'd buttered the wrong side of the bread.
Sign in a restaurant:
We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.
I know all about being Stressed...
It's Desserts spelled backwards!!!
Eat a prune and start a movement.
The four food groups
Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter.
Sign outside a cafe: "Now Serving Food".
(It makes you wonder what they used to serve.)
About 85% of women are responsible
for cooking the family dinner,
and 84% wish they didn't have to.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What does a humanitarian eat?
Why did the idiot stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate.'
What did the hungry computer eat?
Chips, one byte at a time.
Prices are just ridiculous.
I went into a chicken place
and spent £2.50 for a wing and a drumstick.
It's the first time I ever paid an arm and a leg
for an arm and a leg.
Food prices are so high, last night we had a religious experience.
I think it was the last supper.
Puffed rice is very popular these days.
It's what you throw at weddings when the bride is expecting.
She's one of those modern cooks.
Her favourite recipe is "call for a take away".
We have an autumn leaves refrigerator.
You look inside and everything is turning.
There's a chef at the 10 Downing Street
that has everybody worried.
He keeps spilling the beans.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of
chocolate home from the shops in a hot car.
Solution: Eat it in the car park.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue,
store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is NOT a balanced diet.
Two phrases:
'Money talks.'
'Chocolate sings.'
Do the preservatives in chocolate make you look younger?
Why is there no such organisation as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
There's only one thing worse than finding a maggot in your apple.
That's finding half of one!